• Deb
    Well how about that! I've been seeing this in action for me lately!

    The past few years at work, I've been sinking more and more into the 'will-do' trap. A will-do attitude is a good thing, right? Well, yes - if you know where to draw the line. But without noticing, saying 'yes' insidiously has become such a habit that the extras I've been loaded with literally amount to a full-time job, even before I begin to do what I'm employed to do - not good! I realised it had to stop but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to decline any more extra tasks that came my way. I knew that being afraid to say 'no' wasn't the issue - just that my yes/no response mechanism seemed to have got stuck in 'yes' mode, like Igor's switch. 'Yep, will-do' would leap out of my mouth of its own volition as an involuntary response - way before I began to think about the consequences of taking it on.

    I don't know at which level of consciousness but at some point I realised that to get out of this rut, I was going to have to make changes in areas where I knew I had more control. I'm not sure whether the changes I've made qualify as random - I had a gradual restyle. First, a subtle change from neat-casual to smart-casual, then the heels got slightly higher, then as my hair got shorter and sharper, so my nails got longer and sharper... as has my perception. I don't know whether it's literally the style change or the difference that's made to my general air but gradually I've begun to notice people are more hesitant about putting things my way. For example, quite often now, when they ask me to do something they avert their eyes and somtimes mumble a bit... and I get more requests by emails and phone calls than face-to-face ... and justifications they never offered before, like 'If you do this one, I'll do the next one that comes in, OK?'. Without any overt confrontation, no direct change to my actual responses until VERY recently (as in the past couple of weeks), somehow 'they' have been back-footed.

    I'm not ashamed to say that as I've noticed these things, I've seized the opportunity to press home my advantage. 'I'm really busy right now - tell you what though, if you do this one, I'll do the next one that comes in'... or 'No, I don't think so - I have more than enough to do right now.' ... or, my favourite from a meeting yesterday, 'Absolutely not!'

    Of course, I don't want to gain a reputation as being an awkward cuss but I don't think it will come to that. I think - or at least hope - that people will realise I'm no longer the person who picks up all the slack and so will look in other directions (perhaps even to themselves). A good enough start, anyway.
  • keithcampbell
    That sounds like several good principles at work, but stochatic resonance could definitely be one of them. I'll have to try it myself on my notorious habit of under-estimating my time on tasks. When I'm asked for estimates on projects, I tend to give an optimistic answer, probably in an attempt to please - rather than give serious thought to the possible obsticals and the other projects I have going.

    And thanks for commenting. I'm just getting going with the revised site and appreciate any input. If you have any favorite authors or resources you think should be included here, by all means let me know.
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